Gettin' High
by whitetyger123
Summary: Canada gets high but forgets to lock the door! America/Canada, rated M for yaoi, incest, pot, and language


Remember, kids, Pot Bear the Care bear says smoking weed is bad. So don't go outside and light a dandelion on fire. Smoking pot is also bad. They are for cooking, not smoking. And don't smoke shorties. Midgets are people, too. Dope is fine though.

Matthew sat back on his couch, letting a cloud of smoke swirl from his mouth. His eyes were half closed, not caring enough to open them fully. A lazy smile appeared on his face as he once again brought the joint to his lips. This one was especially good, because the paper was bacon flavoured. And, when high, having anything taste like bacon was a good thing. If he was told that the floor tasted like bacon at this point, he would probably start licking it. That is, if he got up from the couch.

It was a relatively small room he was in, and the window was closed, so it started to fill with smoke. This was the life. BC weed was the best.

From the other side of the door came a loud crash. "Hey Canada, I want some pancakes!"

Shit! Why was Prussia here? Why didn't he lock the door? And why goddammit was the sky blue?! It would look so much better if it was orange! Canada quickly stood up, running to the window. He opened it and wafted as much smoke as he could out of the room before Gilbert got to the door, and then went back to the couch and threw a blanket over his stash.

"What'r' you doing in here?" Prussia walked in and instantly sniffed the air. "Canada, why does it smell like pot?"

"Um, pot? I don't know..." I also don't know what the sleeping cycle of the rough-haired Golden Mole is... damn! Keep on topic! Canada glanced around, looking for an excuse, but in his position, he had a very difficult time. "Maybe, you just_ think_ it smells like pot..."

Gilbert laughed. "Wow, I never picked you for a pot-head! Where is this shit, I want some!" Prussia sat down on the couch and his eyes grew wide as Matthew revealed the pot on the table. "This is so much better than pancakes..." He said in awe.

"Ya, it's great." A funny though occurred to the high man, so he started laughing hysterically. "Hey, hey Prussia, since your eyes are red, they will be like really red!"

"Yup, I'm awesome like that." He put some weed in a pipe and lit it, inhaling the fumes. "Man, this is good shit."

"Try this one! It tastes like bacon!" Canada handed him the amazing joint like it was something precious, because, it was. The holiest thing of all things that are holy. It really tasted like bacon!

"Wow, this really tastes like bacon."

"I once ate one when I wasn't even high. I just wanted bacon." Matthew sat back in the couch, taking a long dreg from the pipe. He really liked this pipe. It had a Maple Leaf on it. Very professional looking, too. The person that made this pipe was surly a master pipe craftsman. It looked good enough to use as a knickknack. He liked that word. Knickknack. It was a very fun word to say. Like Bungalow. What was a Bungalow, anyway?

By the time he looked up, Prussia's eyes were very red. "You know what, Matt? Can I call you Matt? Actually I want to call you M-dog. Ya, M-dog. But back to what I was saying, your ceiling tiles are a very nice colour."

Looking up at the ceiling, Canada agreed. They definitely were a nice colour. A sort of beige with a slight tint of red. Whoever picked those tiles was surly a master of their trade. Maybe it was the same person that made his pipe.

"Do you have anymore bacon?" Gilbert asked, finished with the joint. Canada handed him a bacon flavoured paper, but instead of making another joint, he licked it. "I should call West. Make him angry-jealous by how stoned I am."

He took out his phone and dialled Germany's number. When the other end was picked up, Prussia started laughing. "Hehe, I am higher than a two-story building."

"What? East, is that you?"

"I am higher than a treeeeeeeee." He sang into the phone, still giggling. "I am higher than a hill. I am higher than a fox."

"What are you talking about?"

"I am higher than a kite..."

"_What_?! I'm coming over there." _click_.

"I am higher than a plane. I am higher than a train. I am higher than a Dane. I am higher than your mom! I am higher than a really high person! I am higher than... than a hot air balloon, filled with pot! I wonder if that would fly. M-dog, we should try that." The phone was still open, but no one was on the other line, and Matthew was much too preoccupied trying to figure out if the tree he saw through the window was outside or if it was actually a picture of a window with a tree outside it. "Hey, we should call _your_ brother now."

"No, he has all those crazy laws saying we shouldn't smoke." Canada said before taking another puff.

"Don't you have pretty much all the same laws?"

"Pfft, I have the Marijuana Party. A political party who's sole purpose is to make pot legal." He went on his knees to reach over the back of the couch, so he could grab the snacks stored there. Ever since his first time, he had never gotten high without having snacks. "Doritos are the best food ever when you're high." Mm, food.

Canada heard the front door open. "Shit, I really have to start locking that thing." It took a moment for it to sink in that _someone was coming and was going to see them with a whole whack of illegal pot_! "Quick, hide the pot!" They both looked around frantically, their minds completely blank for a hiding place. As the door to the room started to open, Matthew jumped onto the table, trying to look casual while hiding the pot with his body.

America walked in, smiling. "Hey, Prussia, whatcha doin' here?" And, just like Prussia had done before, Alfred sniffed the air. "Why do I smell weed?"

Gilbert's eyes went wide. "Well, if you mean weed like grass, like as in freshly cut grass, then I really don't know, because we weren't cutting grass at all."

"Yup, no mowing going on here." Canada said with a nervous chuckle. Damn, why were they talking about mowing the lawn at a time like this? There wasn't even any lawn in the room to mow!

"No, I mean mary-jane. You know, pot?" He looked in their eyes, hardly seeing any white because of all the red. "Matt, you never told me you smoke."

"Well, I mean, I have BC, and it's really not that big of a deal, and I don't do it that often, and I still love you, cause you're my bro, and want a chip?" Hardly knowing half the stuff his mouth had spit out, Canada handed him the bag of Doritos.

"Don't just offer me chips! I want to get high too!" He sat down on the opposite side of Matthew, taking the joint from him. Or was it the pipe? It didn't matter much at this point. He bent forward to make another bacon joint.

"But, Al, you have all those crazy-assed laws about pot." Prussia said, having gotten over his self-contemplation about mowing the lawn.

"Ya, so don't tell my boss." He took a long toke, holding it for a second before letting it curl past his lips. Then he glanced over at Prussia who, for some reason was licking a piece of paper, and Canada who was looking at the ceiling muttering "beautiful" to himself. "Wow, you guys are so baked."

Gilbert stopped licking the paper. "Mm, baking. Brownies."

Matthew's eyes glazed over. "Mm, pot brownies."

"Mm, cookies."

"Mm, pot cookies."

"Mm, cake."

"Mm, pot cake."

"Mm, cupcakes."

"Mm, pot cupcakes."

"Mm, crackers."

"Mm, pot crackers."

Alfred, still sober, stepped in. "Crackers? Crackers aren't even baking!" A few more puffs of this shit and he wouldn't care about things like that, but at the moment he did.

"Well," Prussia said through a cloud of smoke, "have you ever seen on a package they say baked? So they are baking. Now, hurry up and get high." He had tried pot butter once. It was really good. Pot and caremel would be good. Maybe for Halloween.

In a few minutes, the room was once again filled with smoke. Somehow Matthew had ended up leaning on Alfred, who was lying sideways on the couch, and Prussia was on the floor. They all had their own bacon joints, and Gilbert was looking at his. "They should make awesome flavoured paper. It would taste like me. So when you were getting high, it would be like you're giving me a blow job. And then after that, anytime you gave me a blow job, it would feel like you're high."

"They should make," Canada said, also looking at his joint, "a snow flavoured paper, as a prank, because it would never light, and people would be sitting there trying to light it, and it would just melt."

"They should make a hamburger flavoured paper. It would taste like hamburger." America blew some smoke into the air, trying and failing to make a ring. "Hey, do you guys want to try to make a hamburger appear here using our mind powers?"

"You don't have any mind powers." Who said that? It was deeper than Matthew's voice, and not as rude as Prussia's. It sounded angry, for some reason. "Your brains are all filled with smoke!"

That was when three heads slowly swivelled to the door, where an enraged Germany stood.

"Oh, heeeeyyyyyy West! Join the party!" Gilbert said, waving from the floor.

Alfred turned his head, looking at Canada. "You know, M-dog," The nickname was spreading, it seemed, "You should really start locking that door when getting high."

"I don't even care anymore."

In the meantime, Ludwig had made his way to Prussia's side. "What were you thinking getting high?!"

Gilbert jumped a foot in the air. "When did you get right beside me? Do you have like amazing super powers to let you move really fast? Because you should give them to me." He started laughing. "But I guess in some situations, being fast wouldn't be a good thing, hey, West?" When Alfred and Matthew got the double entendre, they all started laughing and high-fiving each other.

His face completely red with anger, Germany grabbed Prussia by the collar of his shirt, dragging him across the floor to the doorway. "Sorry for coming in uninvited, Canada."

The last thing they heard from Gilbert was the fading sound of "Nooooo, my bacooooooooooooon!"

And then there was two.

Matt and his brother sat for a few minutes, which felt like a few hours, staring at the door, their mouths slightly open. Then, America broke the spell by lifting the pipe to his mouth and taking one long breath. "This is a very nice pipe."

"I know, eh?" Canada said, also admiring the pipe. Then he started another joint, lighting it with his Canadian lighter. But as soon as the flame was flickering, his red eyes lit up with an idea. "You know what would be fun?"

"Wha?"

"Lighting England's eyebrows on fire!" The Canadian was much more daring when high, it seemed.

"That would be awesome! But wait, you don't want to do it now, do you? I mean, really, that would be a long walk. Or drive. Or however you get there." Alfred once again sucked from the pipe, loving the feeling it gave. Then he held it up in exchange for the bacon joint.

"Of course I don't mean now. What are you, insane?" Matthew seemed confused about how he had gotten the pipe again. Didn't he just have bacon? Mm, maple syrup paper. That would be delicious. "Hey, give me the bacon back."

"Fine." America inhaled a large amount of smoke, keeping it in his mouth, and leaned forward, pressing his lips to Matthew's. Both their mouths opened, and the smoke was passed onto the Canadian. Alfred pulled back, smiling. "How did you like that?"

"Mm, bacon." Canada also smiled. There was a small voice in the back of his mind saying he shouldn't do this, this was bad. Or was it saying apple trees are an integral part of the eco system? Meh, one of the two at least. They were so very similar, after all. "I want some more."

Once again, the American kept some smoke in his mouth, and gave it to Matthew in an open-mouthed kiss. But this time he didn't pull away. Their tongues became part of the mix, the pot making the sensation better than usual. His hand without the joint trailed the Canadian body slowly, finding the bottom of his shirt and going inside. Their actions were muted, slowed by the pot.

As Alfred's hand made its way to Canada's nipple, Matthew started wondering if this was how lemurs kissed. If it was, he wouldn't mind being a lemur. He took the joint from America and took a drag, and they had another smoke-filled kiss. "Hey Al, do you have a bong in your pocket?"

"Huh? No."

Matthew smiled and took his hand down to America's crotch, feeling his length through his jeans. "Didn't think so." Hands that didn't really feel like his own started undoing the fly at Alfred's crotch, taking much longer than usual. Canada was actually quite proud of himself for being able to undo them at all.

"So we gonna fuck?" Still blunt as always, even when high, America started to work on Matthew's pants as well.

Leaning his head back against the couch, Canada's eyes flickered closed. Whether it was from the weed or the hand that had lightly brushed his crotch, he would never know. "Do you really think either of us could pull off sex right now?"

"True. 69 then." Alfred awkwardly and slowly manoeuvred Canada so that he was lying down on the couch. Knowing that Matthew had been smoking much longer than him tonight, so he was probably in no position to be in any other position than lying down, it meant he would be on top. He started working on the Canadian's pants once again, this time getting them all the way undone.

"Mn, bro, get yer ass over here too." Matthew said, just realizing that they were much too far apart. He took one last breath of smoke before putting the joint out and placing it on the table. It would be a bad idea to have it in his hand for what was going to happen next.

Groaning from having to move so much, Alfred brought his body over top of Canada's, so that he was facing that large cock he had just unleashed. "Holy shit, M-dog, you're huge!"

"I _am_ the second largest country. A fact that you always seem to forget." Damn, he was getting the munchies. Did cum count as a snack? If it did, that would be so nice. He would never have to buy snacks again! Just have a guy over, and ask if he could 'smoke his dick'.

Both shafts were completely out of their confinements now, and both countries started licking and sucking at the same time. Alfred licked the tip, and Matthew put it in his mouth like it was a very large joint.

Running his tongue around Canada's large head, Alfred tasted the precum. Mm, they should make flavoured paper that tastes like this. This sweet, salty taste. Of course, everything tastes better when high.

Deep throating the large cock, Matthew was amazed that he was hardly gagging. He moaned around the shaft in his mouth as he felt America finally take him in between those talented lips. Again, that little voice saying this is bad eat more apples. But, with his head feeling so light, ignoring that little voice was so easy.

Alfred held the bottom of the large cock with his hand. Could he fit that whole thing in his mouth? Of course he could! He could eat ten hamburgers at once! As long as he remembered that it was a dick, and not a hamburger, he should be fine. He moved his mouth farther along the shaft slowly, mouth adjusting to the thickness.

He slid his hand down along the shaft, going in Matthew's pants to fondle his ball sack. He felt Canada's mouth tighten around his length, so he figured he was either surprised or he liked it. Either way, he wanted it to happen again.

His eyes sliding closed once again, Canada let his body take over, letting his mind concentrate on the feeling of being in Alfred's mouth. Perhaps all the talking he did made him better at giving head.

Alfred was still struggling slightly with deciding what he should be thinking about. It was like... eating a banana. But no, he bit bananas. Like a carrot? But once again he didn't want to bite it. It was more like... celery! He never bit celery! It was gross, all stringy. So yes, sucking Canada's cock was like eating celery. Because it was green... no wait, it wasn't green. Man, this was so confusing. But oh well, he continued moving his head back and forth, flicking his tongue on the underside of that large swelled head. He heard Matthew give a little moan and felt the vibrations on his own shaft.

Why was this affecting him this much? America hadn't been sucking on his cock that long, so why was Matthew almost ready to cum? Did being high affect the amount of time it took you to climax? Or maybe it just affected your perception of time. How long had they been doing this? It couldn't have been that long, yet it felt like a few hours.

Feeling himself getting closer, Alfred increased the suction on his brother's shaft. Doing this when he was high was great. It would be really bad if Iggy found out. He would get really mad. He got really mad about everything. Oh, he was so close. He would have thrust his hips into Canada's mouth if it wasn't so much effort to move that much.

Something was trickling down Matthew's throat. It took him longer than it should have to realize it was precum. It tasted really good, strangely. Of course, everything tastes better when you're high. For a second, Canada continued sucking on Alfred's cock, but it slipped out when he came, letting him yell out some intangible words.

His mouth suddenly filled with hot liquid, America swallowed, and soon also climaxed, but since Canada had let him fall out of his mouth, it went all over his face. Alfred let out a laugh and tried to change positions so they were lying the same way. "Sorry, M-dog." Finally getting to the other side of the couch, the American wiped some of the cum off his face with his sleeve, and licked the rest off.

"Thanks..." he mumbled half-asleep. With his orgasm combined with the pot, all Matthew wanted to do was fall into blissful unconsciousness. "G'night." He closed his eyes and felt America's weight on his, also falling asleep.

"Night, Matty."


End file.
